pushing it when I should not have.
I just finished apprentice class two weeks prior
planning on doing a solo dive at Ginnie
I was expecting to get to around 1200ft.
The 2 weeks...which may have affected me in some way or form.
Swimming to the ear was in zero visibility
At this point I already have been breathing a little heavier than usual
Inexperience with entering the ear while laying line while carrying O2 solo
the cave did not feel very welcoming that day and I was just a hint un-easy about the dive
Nothing unusual besides not being as relaxed as I normally am
I felt like I was breathing heavier then usual
I could feel how I became more nervous and anxious for some reason unknown to me, I wrote it off as being a little exerted. Going through the cornflakes toward the park bench I found myself not seeing the park bench right away...this worried me and I took a minute break to try to calm down and get my breathing back down. At this point I should have turned the dive as I was not feeling comfortable anymore. I continued down the gold line. Usually the way to Hill 400 is very relaxed and beautiful but I just suddenly arrived at the jump quicker than I thought I would. At this point I realized that I'm nowhere near the top of my "game". I decided to keep pushing...
I became increasingly anxious and nervous, after this it became an arrow following game.
I did not even see the cave features anymore, I'm so close ... The voice in my head started to yell at me to not push myself, I'm solo, new territory, NO GOAL DIVING!
The cave is now narrow and very silty at the bottom.
I can't do it anymore. My brain is yelling at me "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW"
I'm making a sloppy 180 degree turn and look ahead; “crap, something is wrong!”
I'm in trouble ... My heart starts beating faster, my breathing gets heavy and exerting.
I “OK” the gold line with a good grip.
Time to leave.
I try to take a break for a minute and close my eyes to calm down, not working.
By now my vision and perception is reduced to just a very narrow field of view (Tunnel vision)
I was heading out, not slowly but I was not racing either.
Now I keep telling myself that I've been here, nothing new - time to calm down! Still for some reason I have still very anxious and nervous.
I made it through the corn flakes and the keyhole and wanted to take a break before the lips
I did not want to dive anymore today.
I got worked up during the dive.
It was a scary dive
1.) Goal oriented diving. I wanted to make it to a specific landmark inside the cave that I have not seen before which is unacceptable on my level and greatly added to the task loading.
2.) Solo diving. While I don't mind solo diving, at my level I should not have tried to see new cave without a buddy.
3.) Pre-occupied mind. My mind was not fully focused on the dive
4.) I should have turned the dive after making a sad effort to the lips and thinking the cave was "unfriendly"
5.) I should have turned the dive once I got anxious and nervous
6.) I should not have justified my efforts with "Been there done that, no big deal"
7.) I should NEVER NEVER have kept going once I realized I had "Tunnel vision" and just followed the line
8.) I need to make a greater effort to find a way to calm myself in stressful situations.
This was a bad dive; I got very stressed, anxious and nervous. I made many mistakes but luckily turned just before it could have ended worse. I have learned a lot from this dive and will not make any solo dives in the near future, especially in parts of a cave where I have not been before. I need to move slower and safer. I feel very bad and guilty about what I have done; in cave diving there is no room for error

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