help with cave closing letter

[ltb7733]

Before i send out my letter to help the campaigne to stop the closing of the state parks, i have attached here for critique. please let me know what needs to be changed or added. thank you lance

Lance T. Bark lancetbark@hotmail.com lancetbark@hotmail.com
2490 NW 49th Terrace
Coconut Creek, FL.33063

RE: Proposed closing of Peacock Springs, Madison Blue Springs, and Troy Springs State Parks.

To Whom It May Concern:

I fully realize that these are very tough economic times for the state and all counties. I am currently an active cave diver and have been for quite some time. The Florida cave systems provide many purposes for many people. Cave divers bring in a tremendous amount of revenue to the local communities. Peacock springs and Madison Blue springs, along with other famous cave diving systems are world famous and I meet people from all over the world every time I go diving in these places.

I go cave diving twice a year for a week in the spring and in the fall. I usually bring 2-3 other divers in our dive group. We rent rooms, we buy 3 meals a day, and we pay for park entrance fees. We buy gas, beverages, and buy dive gear at local dive shops. We spend a lot of money in the local community and we all consider this a privilege to do so. We do not take these wonderful parks for granted. A sentiment shared by all of the divers who visit these great locations.

I represent a very small group of cave divers, but you would be amazed at the size of the local, national, and international amount of cave divers that come to these parks. Please find out about the two most prominent cave diving organizations: NSS-CDS, and the NACD. They are the voice of cave diving and have been for many years. We are all supporting our local cave systems and closing them to access of divers would be an unimaginable catastrophic event. We all volunteer our time to do annual cleanups, and we construct stairs, and pavilions, and do whatever we can to help the local park rangers when it comes to help manage the park in regards to cave diving.

I would also like to bring to your attention the amount of training that goes on at these sites. There are many cave diving instructors as well as open water instructors who use these state parks as a training site to introduce new divers to the wonders of scuba diving and cave diving. These instructors also teach the importance of conservation and how important these springs are to all who live in Florida. These students bring in a tremendous amount of revenue to the local community as well.

I am requesting that you find a way to keep Peacock, Madison Blue, and Troy springs open and remove them from your closure list. If this cant be done, please consider selling these parcels of land to the NSS-CDS or NACD so they can be managed by the local cave diving community. Rest assured that these parks will be in good hands because so many of us hold them dear to our hearts.


Sincerely yours,




Lance T.Bark

[Superlyte27]

Don’t use words like “tremendous amount of revenue”. You are talking to people who deal with budgets in the billions. We don’t even scratch the surface of that deficit. It makes you look uninformed and unrealistic.

Again, “we spend a lot of money”… Your idea of “a lot of money”, and our official’s idea is no where close to each other.

“A sentiment shared by all of the divers who visit these great locations.” Is not a complete sentence
“I represent a very small group of cave divers, but you would be amazed at the size of the local” First don’t admit your small size, second, quit using assumptions. You have no idea if he’d be amazed or not. Assumptions kill your credibility.

“Please find out about the two most prominent cave diving organizations” another assumption, that they are not already familiar with NACD and NSS-CDS

“They are the voice of cave diving” simply not true. They are A voice, not THE ONLY VOICE.

“unimaginable catastrophic event.” No, it’s not. An unimaginable catastrophic event would be California sinking into the ocean from an earthquake. This is simply a crappy deal that would screw us. But Unimaginable and catastrophic makes you sound like a fanatic, and no one takes a fanatic seriously.

We all volunteer our time to do annual cleanups. Simply not true. I’ve never volunteered my time. Remember, that 10% of the people do 90% of the work, in every aspect of life, this is no different. You can’t use the word ALL and be accurate, and you want your letter to be 100% factual

I am requesting that you find a way to keep Peacock, Madison Blue, and Troy springs, they are probably happy with their solution to the budget crisis, ie closing the parks. They don’t share our passion. A better stance would be for you to present them with a solution.

please consider selling these parcels of land to the NSS-CDS or NACD, you might want to check with NSS-CDS or NACD, last I heard they were doing all they could to stay afloat financially.



Anyway, you asked. I hope I wasn’t brutal, but we want this stuff to be flawless.

[Greenwood_60]

Oh man, I'm having high school English class flashbacks. Superlyte has a lot of good points, but anything is better than nothing. I personally think we should all call. Even better would be to coordinate by calling a particular office. 100 of us calling 1 office would get noticed.

[Superlyte27]

I agree, calls have been effective on other areas i've lobbied. But, 100 of us calling 10 offices would really do a trick. I'm waiting for someone to come up with a concise plan of attack and i'll get on board with it.

[ltb7733]

no....not tooo brutal.......i hope i never REALLY piss you off. thanks for the tips. i will amend the letter.

[JCDdiver]

I massaged Lance's letter. Here is what I've got:

Justin DeMone justin.demone@gmail.com
13 Colonial Club Drive S.E.
Acworth, GA 30102

RE: Proposed closing of Peacock Springs, Madison Blue Springs, and Troy Springs State Parks.

To Whom It May Concern:

I fully realize that these are very tough economic times not only for the state of Florida but also the entire country. I am an active cave diver and have been for quite some time. The cave systems that are accessed through some of the state parks are very unique and should remain accessible to everyone who would like to enjoy them. Cave divers come from around the world to visit these sites and bring in addition revenue to the state and local communities. Peacock springs and Madison Blue springs are among some of the most famous cave diving systems in the world. It isn’t usual for me to meet people from around the globe whenever I visit these parks.

I go cave diving almost every month of the year. When I do there are usually 2-3 other divers who join me. We rent rooms, we buy 3 meals a day, and we pay for park entrance fees. We buy gas, beverages, and buy dive gear at local dive shops. We bring additional revenue into the state and the local communities and we all hope to continue to do so and we are not alone. We do not take these wonderful parks for granted and would be happy to do whatever is reasonable to keep these state parks open.

I understand that divers represent a very small group of society, but you would be amazed at the number of the local, national, and international cave divers that come to these parks on a regular basis. There are a few cave diving organizations: NFSA , NSS-CDS, and the NACD that have been extensively involved with providing education and access to these springs. In addition to that, cave divers volunteer our time to do annual cleanups, construct stairs, pavilions, and do whatever we can to help the local park rangers when it comes to help manage the park in regards to cave diving.

I would also like to bring to your attention the amount of training that goes on at these sites. There are many cave diving instructors as well as open water instructors who use these state parks as a training site to introduce new divers to the wonders of scuba diving and cave diving. These instructors also teach the importance of conservation and how important these springs are to all who live in Florida. These students also bring in additional revenue to the state and local communities.

I am requesting that you carefully evaluate all of the options available to you in hopes that you will find a way to keep Peacock, Madison Blue, and Troy springs open and remove them from your closure list. Thank you in advance for your help.

Sincerely yours,


Justin DeMone

Thoughts?

[FW]

Uh guys, when the government gets a lot of letters on a subject, a secretary scans them, and puts them in piles labeled "for" and "against". The exact language isn't all that critical.

[JCDdiver]

Uh guys, when the government gets a lot of letters on a subject, a secretary scans them, and puts them in piles labeled "for" and "against". The exact language isn't all that critical.

Damn, do you mean I could have just sent in a piece of paper that said "against" instead? Geeze...what a waste of time.

[Squirrel Girl]

Uh guys, when the government gets a lot of letters on a subject, a secretary scans them, and puts them in piles labeled "for" and "against". The exact language isn't all that critical.

There's some truth to what you've said. And I didn't craft my letter to hit every point that we were suggested to say (though I independently came up with most of them). But I worked for the BLM, they did take public input and extracted each point that was made and made a list of them.

I would say that it's FAR better that you zip off a general letter than worry over getting it it perfect and not getting around to it. Someone will have addressed each of the important parts. Just give it the old college try and get on with it.

[Puttzer]

When dealing with a state employee or official: it's a good idea to show them "what's in it for them"