tj
08-01-2008, 10:05 AM
This is a USER poll to determine the winner of the Limerick contest held this year, ending 31 July 2008.
You can vote more than once... Highest one wins.
Poll will last 7 days!
---- The Limericks/poetry is all listed below ----
RAL
There was a man from Marianna
Who's prudish lass was named Hanna
Into Jackson Blue
With scooter he flew
But still he got farther with Hanna
MedCop
There once was a man from High Springs
Who wanted to explore mysterious things
So into the cave he went
Hoping he wouldn’t get bent
Instead he came out saying what joy this brings
There once was a PADI open water diver
Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor
Into the caves I could go
There isn’t really much needed to know
I’ll just carry more equipment than MacGyver
There once was a PADI open water diver
Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor
Into the caves I could go
There isn’t really much needed to know
AND HE DIED BECAUSE HE VIOLATED THE FIVE BASIC RULES!
Cavediver520
There once was a man from Nantuckit
No caves up there so he said **** it
He came down south
and contacted Ralph
Bought some cave gear and to Ginnie he did truck it.
Dsix36
There once was a man from Pompano
and into the caves he did go
without a backup light
he lost the fight
what happened, no one will know
A cave diver ran out of air
his buddy didn't seem to care
he turned to head out
knowing without a doubt
the intent of his buddies stare
The visability had turned to crap
and the diver was ready to snap
the line was unfound
it was broke on the ground
and now it is time to take a nap
MORGAN
A diver not wise but quite brave,
Swam foolishly into a cave.
And in swimming about,
He silted it out.
It made quite a dark and wet grave.
There was a young diver named Chris
Who tried to impress his bud's sis.
He said "I'm so brave,
I'll swim into this cave!
Just hold my beer and watch this!"
A brand new cave diver named Cooter
Bought some stages, a Meg, and a scooter.
He said he'd make history,
But his end was a mystery
'Til the coroner downloaded his 'puter.
Oh, It's off to cave country I go
Fleeing the frost and the snow.
Go cave diving with friends
'til my vacation ends
While at home it is thirty below.
There was a young redneck called 'Tater
Who thought diving caves would be greater
But untrained and witless
He scared himself sh*tless
So he stuck to NASCAR and the Gators.
Some drunk trauma patients will curse
At the critical care transport nurse!
Don't like riding with us
In our big fancy bus?
Maybe you'd rather ride in a hearse!
There was a young man of Devizes
Whose balls were of differing sizes.
The one was so small,
It was no ball at all.
But the other won several prizes!
There was a cave diver named Cass
Who didn't keep track of his gas.
He made too long a dive,
Barely got out alive,
And only the flow saved his ass!
A stylish young cave diving tart
Made a long and deep dive into Hart.
She opined, "Deep air kills.
I prefer trimix fills."
Then she let a gargantuan fart.
A tough old cave diver called Gump
Was sidemounting a very small sump.
The restrictions so tight
Filled his heart with delight
But they left a big scrape on his rump.
Tomorrow we're going to sail.
And drink up some beer and some ale.
We'll be gone for a week
When I get back I'll peek
At my Cave Diver's Forum e-mail.
Sailing is fun for a while
We'll sail on for many a mile
But using vacation days
Without diving in caves
Is wasteful, egregious, and vile.
metaldector
The bubbles he blows,
Don’t come from his nose,
But messed with his buoyancy trim,
A twist of his valve, All nature repels,
as he goes on with his cave diving friends.
The tunnels are dark, he said with a lark,
So in them I will go,
With a light and string, he said to a friend
There can’t be much to know?
Later that day the hearse took him away, what a wet way to go!
tj
There was a cave diver named Bob
Who worked a cave as his job
The cave was cold and dark
It was silty and made him narc
One day his life the cave did rob
There was a cave diver named Dayo
Who used a lot of cave arrows
He dived the caves in sidemount
And the many stories he did recount
He finally settled in Mayo
There once was a lass named Dinny
Who dived in caves so many
When asked what cave she wanted to dive next
She looked at first perflexed
Then she said ANY!
There once was a north florida redneck
That one got a big paycheck
He took up cave diving that June
But gave it up way too soon
He got scared and moved to Quebec
SueG
Put the tea in the kettle and the arrow on the line.
Let’s slap on our dive gear; I bet we’ll do just fine.
Now which way is out? We need to pay attention!
The homework was a limerick. Do I get an Honorable Mention?
Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
Not only as a cave diver, but also in the Forum.
The “Mods” are very patient, despite what you may think.
They try to keep it peaceful, so let’s not make a stink.
There’s a cave guy named Dayo
He settled in Mayo
He disqualified himself as a winner, but we know that’s not true.
He’s a wiz at his biz and a Winner he is.
You’d think he’d have no time to dive, but he do.
Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
FW, please explain things to me.
I went up to bat but sound like Dr. Suess and his Cat
However, there’s no need for you to delete.
stairman
I've got to do it not for fortune or fame
The hobby I've chosen makes others look tame
Some say I'm crazy some says thats neat
Summertime in Florida it sure beats the heat
Pitch in for gas my buddy helps with that
First thing unloaded my plastic Diverite mat.
Hookup the regs the backplate the wing
My big plastic crate makes things easy to bring
Walk to the water make sure everythings right
Step on in even at night
Run your lines have a swim
Breath a third,back again
Rest at twenty write on my slate
Exit the water I now know my fate.
Terry D
I oft read the cave diver's forum
I muse, ponder and score um
some are great tries
at fish tales and lies
but most were just simply bor'um
but once in a while a great diver
tells a story about the great decider
the choices he made
while making the grade
so to telling it all the more aliver
I went to learn the rebreather
the class, it was only a teaser
my money I spent
my body I bent
and now, I am but a wheezer
if a wet suit is wet but warm
and a dry suit prevents great harm
why can't a get me a valve
not slathered with salve
and can still be worn with great charm
my mind has been lingering on caves
filled with water that has no waves
yet erodes and erases
with permanent traces
a history that it saves
from entrance to line
what was their's is now mine
until the tee takes a turn
around the rock shaped urn
and it is all once again fine
a moderators task, it's not easy
to read all the posts all the time
to comment, allow,censor, or hide
this is the beast that they must ride
and still, they expect it to rhyme
OFG-1
There was a cave diver named Forrest;
Whose beard was as thick as a forest,
To shave, no not he!
His beard fills him with glee,
But he looks like a Top of the Z.Z.
contender
There was a cave diver from Bama who was rather big
He turned up at Ginnie for his usual gig
He got to the water without much delay
However, the local redneck came over to say
Hey boy can you squeal like a pig.
akcaver
There was once a caver so brave
That went to explore a small-ass cave
He had cojones of steel,
But had to make God a deal
For God his ass did save!
YBWET
There was a man called Dave
Who kept his dead wife in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a ****
But think of the money I saved".
My computer's a lemon, my bc's for the birds.
My reg works awful, my air smells like turds.
My drysuit is bad,
You think I'd be mad
I'm hoping this wins me the flashlite and I will be glad.
mmcauliffe
Indeed I had fun in my class
The days were so long but went fast
Now I'm cleared on my Meg
For some rest I will beg
'cause I really am dragging my ass
outofayr
There once was a cave diver named "DIC"
Who wrote in the clay with a stick
It caused an uproar on the web
And everyone wanted his head
But they never did catch the prick!
truk lagoon
there once was a diver from Germany
who asked himself man how would it be
to be one of the brave
and dive in a cave
the thought alone was extasy
oldtimers told him about penetration
to touch the end what a sweet sensation
you gotta have balls
to do virgin halls
but the feeling is beyond imagination
aainslie
The Cavediving forum has got
A contest to see what a lot
Of talented authors
When not in the waters
The cavediving crowd has begot
sandy
There once was a cave diver named Dickie
Whose condom removal was quite sticky
It was off with the hair
Until all was thus bare
And now the removal's not so tricky
LCF
All diving is fun, so they say . . .
And my memory says it's that way.
But once someone braves
Underwater caves
Then that's where their focus will stay.
In NoHoch, a new diver named Frost
Learned complacency's terrible cost.
With the reaches and snaps,
His inadequate maps
Got him inextricably lost.
Manatee Springs is a park.
The cave that's beneath it is dark.
But when other caves close
It diminishes flows
there, and diving it then is a lark!
On one of my cave diving trips,
I took two days to get past the Lips.
But the effort entailed
As I pulled and I flailed
Took four inches off of my hips!
Devil's System is known for its flow,
And you quickly learn not to swim low.
But the optimal way
To stay out of the fray
Is only for those in the know.
Lady cave divers, yes, it is true!
For those long dives when wetsuits won't do,
Just install a She-P
And you'll instantly see
You can have your Coke and leave it, too!
A backmount or sidemount believer
Can argue the merits of either.
The rest of the folk
Find the issue a joke
As they calmly strap on their rebreather.
DonJ
With places like Peacock and Cow
I wonder when no one’s around
Such a peaceful delight
A feeling so right
And it’s mine in the hear and the now
Forrest Wilson is the forum post king
With the longevity and lasting of Gehrig
Without a doubt
Wilson has clout
I’m glad for the words he’s been offering
There once was a diver named JJ
He always had something to say say
Two hundred and fifty posts I have watched
And just a member since March
Damn! -that’s almost two posts per day day
BabyDuck
i love the caves with low flow
but it's just so damn easy to go
in past your thirds
'cause one glance and the words
that come to your mind are 'oh, whoa!'
Alan Garrett
There once was a cave diver named Sistle
Who's scooter was fast as a missile
And as plowed through the halls
He protected his balls
But the rest of him was ground down to gristle.
Once, me and my cave divin' bros'...
decided to dive without clothes.
Till in heavy silt...
my manhood did wilt...
when my dive buddy grabbed the wrong hose.
Remember Ol' cavediver Shane,
who's tanks were too big to be sane?
Said he'd go even bigger,
if only they'd figger,
the right MOD for Propane!
There once was a man named Kincaide...
who dove with a live hand grenade.
Said if he got lost,
the grenade would get tossed,
and he'd get out the new sinkhole it made.
There once was a diver named Greer...
who did all his deco on beer.
He made no deco stops,
headed straight for the "pops",
and just farted till his computer showed clear!
There was a naughty little diver named Jay,
who liked carving little pictures in clay.
he was caught in the act,
he won't ever be back,
we know where he is but we ain't gonna' say!
There once was a robot named Gort,
who took up the cave diving sport.
They yelled "STROKE!", none the wiser,
till he lifted his visor
and roasted 'em without further retort!
There once was a cave diver named Fred,
who had multiple personalities in his head.
He achieved the old dream
a TRUE one-man dive team
'till they made him get back on his meds!
jimdiverman
There once was a man from Marian’,
Whose scooter was made for one hand
One day while he’s caving,
He shot past a maiden
Now known as his bride, Marian’.
There once was a man, Edd, from Jackson
Whose prices were nice and relaxin’
Along came Miss Stacy
Who made old Edd lazy
So Gordon took over the gassin’.
There once was a caver in Florida,
Who ordered a suit for cold water.
Past Hill 400,
his seals went asunder
And now he’s a part of the flora.
A diver, there was, from Phreatic
Who kept all his gear in the attic
Along came a twister
That laid out its whistler
And now there’s free gear in Phreatic.
Webmaster
There once was a diver named Ned
Who's face would often turn red.
For when asked to run the reel
He would loudly appeal,
"Nay, or we'll surely be dead."
The diet of a diver to be sure,
Is often anything but pure.
His drysuit may contain
A greasy beakfast's putrid remains,
And provide more buoyancy from the resulting liqueur.
You can vote more than once... Highest one wins.
Poll will last 7 days!
---- The Limericks/poetry is all listed below ----
RAL
There was a man from Marianna
Who's prudish lass was named Hanna
Into Jackson Blue
With scooter he flew
But still he got farther with Hanna
MedCop
There once was a man from High Springs
Who wanted to explore mysterious things
So into the cave he went
Hoping he wouldn’t get bent
Instead he came out saying what joy this brings
There once was a PADI open water diver
Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor
Into the caves I could go
There isn’t really much needed to know
I’ll just carry more equipment than MacGyver
There once was a PADI open water diver
Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor
Into the caves I could go
There isn’t really much needed to know
AND HE DIED BECAUSE HE VIOLATED THE FIVE BASIC RULES!
Cavediver520
There once was a man from Nantuckit
No caves up there so he said **** it
He came down south
and contacted Ralph
Bought some cave gear and to Ginnie he did truck it.
Dsix36
There once was a man from Pompano
and into the caves he did go
without a backup light
he lost the fight
what happened, no one will know
A cave diver ran out of air
his buddy didn't seem to care
he turned to head out
knowing without a doubt
the intent of his buddies stare
The visability had turned to crap
and the diver was ready to snap
the line was unfound
it was broke on the ground
and now it is time to take a nap
MORGAN
A diver not wise but quite brave,
Swam foolishly into a cave.
And in swimming about,
He silted it out.
It made quite a dark and wet grave.
There was a young diver named Chris
Who tried to impress his bud's sis.
He said "I'm so brave,
I'll swim into this cave!
Just hold my beer and watch this!"
A brand new cave diver named Cooter
Bought some stages, a Meg, and a scooter.
He said he'd make history,
But his end was a mystery
'Til the coroner downloaded his 'puter.
Oh, It's off to cave country I go
Fleeing the frost and the snow.
Go cave diving with friends
'til my vacation ends
While at home it is thirty below.
There was a young redneck called 'Tater
Who thought diving caves would be greater
But untrained and witless
He scared himself sh*tless
So he stuck to NASCAR and the Gators.
Some drunk trauma patients will curse
At the critical care transport nurse!
Don't like riding with us
In our big fancy bus?
Maybe you'd rather ride in a hearse!
There was a young man of Devizes
Whose balls were of differing sizes.
The one was so small,
It was no ball at all.
But the other won several prizes!
There was a cave diver named Cass
Who didn't keep track of his gas.
He made too long a dive,
Barely got out alive,
And only the flow saved his ass!
A stylish young cave diving tart
Made a long and deep dive into Hart.
She opined, "Deep air kills.
I prefer trimix fills."
Then she let a gargantuan fart.
A tough old cave diver called Gump
Was sidemounting a very small sump.
The restrictions so tight
Filled his heart with delight
But they left a big scrape on his rump.
Tomorrow we're going to sail.
And drink up some beer and some ale.
We'll be gone for a week
When I get back I'll peek
At my Cave Diver's Forum e-mail.
Sailing is fun for a while
We'll sail on for many a mile
But using vacation days
Without diving in caves
Is wasteful, egregious, and vile.
metaldector
The bubbles he blows,
Don’t come from his nose,
But messed with his buoyancy trim,
A twist of his valve, All nature repels,
as he goes on with his cave diving friends.
The tunnels are dark, he said with a lark,
So in them I will go,
With a light and string, he said to a friend
There can’t be much to know?
Later that day the hearse took him away, what a wet way to go!
tj
There was a cave diver named Bob
Who worked a cave as his job
The cave was cold and dark
It was silty and made him narc
One day his life the cave did rob
There was a cave diver named Dayo
Who used a lot of cave arrows
He dived the caves in sidemount
And the many stories he did recount
He finally settled in Mayo
There once was a lass named Dinny
Who dived in caves so many
When asked what cave she wanted to dive next
She looked at first perflexed
Then she said ANY!
There once was a north florida redneck
That one got a big paycheck
He took up cave diving that June
But gave it up way too soon
He got scared and moved to Quebec
SueG
Put the tea in the kettle and the arrow on the line.
Let’s slap on our dive gear; I bet we’ll do just fine.
Now which way is out? We need to pay attention!
The homework was a limerick. Do I get an Honorable Mention?
Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
Not only as a cave diver, but also in the Forum.
The “Mods” are very patient, despite what you may think.
They try to keep it peaceful, so let’s not make a stink.
There’s a cave guy named Dayo
He settled in Mayo
He disqualified himself as a winner, but we know that’s not true.
He’s a wiz at his biz and a Winner he is.
You’d think he’d have no time to dive, but he do.
Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
FW, please explain things to me.
I went up to bat but sound like Dr. Suess and his Cat
However, there’s no need for you to delete.
stairman
I've got to do it not for fortune or fame
The hobby I've chosen makes others look tame
Some say I'm crazy some says thats neat
Summertime in Florida it sure beats the heat
Pitch in for gas my buddy helps with that
First thing unloaded my plastic Diverite mat.
Hookup the regs the backplate the wing
My big plastic crate makes things easy to bring
Walk to the water make sure everythings right
Step on in even at night
Run your lines have a swim
Breath a third,back again
Rest at twenty write on my slate
Exit the water I now know my fate.
Terry D
I oft read the cave diver's forum
I muse, ponder and score um
some are great tries
at fish tales and lies
but most were just simply bor'um
but once in a while a great diver
tells a story about the great decider
the choices he made
while making the grade
so to telling it all the more aliver
I went to learn the rebreather
the class, it was only a teaser
my money I spent
my body I bent
and now, I am but a wheezer
if a wet suit is wet but warm
and a dry suit prevents great harm
why can't a get me a valve
not slathered with salve
and can still be worn with great charm
my mind has been lingering on caves
filled with water that has no waves
yet erodes and erases
with permanent traces
a history that it saves
from entrance to line
what was their's is now mine
until the tee takes a turn
around the rock shaped urn
and it is all once again fine
a moderators task, it's not easy
to read all the posts all the time
to comment, allow,censor, or hide
this is the beast that they must ride
and still, they expect it to rhyme
OFG-1
There was a cave diver named Forrest;
Whose beard was as thick as a forest,
To shave, no not he!
His beard fills him with glee,
But he looks like a Top of the Z.Z.
contender
There was a cave diver from Bama who was rather big
He turned up at Ginnie for his usual gig
He got to the water without much delay
However, the local redneck came over to say
Hey boy can you squeal like a pig.
akcaver
There was once a caver so brave
That went to explore a small-ass cave
He had cojones of steel,
But had to make God a deal
For God his ass did save!
YBWET
There was a man called Dave
Who kept his dead wife in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a ****
But think of the money I saved".
My computer's a lemon, my bc's for the birds.
My reg works awful, my air smells like turds.
My drysuit is bad,
You think I'd be mad
I'm hoping this wins me the flashlite and I will be glad.
mmcauliffe
Indeed I had fun in my class
The days were so long but went fast
Now I'm cleared on my Meg
For some rest I will beg
'cause I really am dragging my ass
outofayr
There once was a cave diver named "DIC"
Who wrote in the clay with a stick
It caused an uproar on the web
And everyone wanted his head
But they never did catch the prick!
truk lagoon
there once was a diver from Germany
who asked himself man how would it be
to be one of the brave
and dive in a cave
the thought alone was extasy
oldtimers told him about penetration
to touch the end what a sweet sensation
you gotta have balls
to do virgin halls
but the feeling is beyond imagination
aainslie
The Cavediving forum has got
A contest to see what a lot
Of talented authors
When not in the waters
The cavediving crowd has begot
sandy
There once was a cave diver named Dickie
Whose condom removal was quite sticky
It was off with the hair
Until all was thus bare
And now the removal's not so tricky
LCF
All diving is fun, so they say . . .
And my memory says it's that way.
But once someone braves
Underwater caves
Then that's where their focus will stay.
In NoHoch, a new diver named Frost
Learned complacency's terrible cost.
With the reaches and snaps,
His inadequate maps
Got him inextricably lost.
Manatee Springs is a park.
The cave that's beneath it is dark.
But when other caves close
It diminishes flows
there, and diving it then is a lark!
On one of my cave diving trips,
I took two days to get past the Lips.
But the effort entailed
As I pulled and I flailed
Took four inches off of my hips!
Devil's System is known for its flow,
And you quickly learn not to swim low.
But the optimal way
To stay out of the fray
Is only for those in the know.
Lady cave divers, yes, it is true!
For those long dives when wetsuits won't do,
Just install a She-P
And you'll instantly see
You can have your Coke and leave it, too!
A backmount or sidemount believer
Can argue the merits of either.
The rest of the folk
Find the issue a joke
As they calmly strap on their rebreather.
DonJ
With places like Peacock and Cow
I wonder when no one’s around
Such a peaceful delight
A feeling so right
And it’s mine in the hear and the now
Forrest Wilson is the forum post king
With the longevity and lasting of Gehrig
Without a doubt
Wilson has clout
I’m glad for the words he’s been offering
There once was a diver named JJ
He always had something to say say
Two hundred and fifty posts I have watched
And just a member since March
Damn! -that’s almost two posts per day day
BabyDuck
i love the caves with low flow
but it's just so damn easy to go
in past your thirds
'cause one glance and the words
that come to your mind are 'oh, whoa!'
Alan Garrett
There once was a cave diver named Sistle
Who's scooter was fast as a missile
And as plowed through the halls
He protected his balls
But the rest of him was ground down to gristle.
Once, me and my cave divin' bros'...
decided to dive without clothes.
Till in heavy silt...
my manhood did wilt...
when my dive buddy grabbed the wrong hose.
Remember Ol' cavediver Shane,
who's tanks were too big to be sane?
Said he'd go even bigger,
if only they'd figger,
the right MOD for Propane!
There once was a man named Kincaide...
who dove with a live hand grenade.
Said if he got lost,
the grenade would get tossed,
and he'd get out the new sinkhole it made.
There once was a diver named Greer...
who did all his deco on beer.
He made no deco stops,
headed straight for the "pops",
and just farted till his computer showed clear!
There was a naughty little diver named Jay,
who liked carving little pictures in clay.
he was caught in the act,
he won't ever be back,
we know where he is but we ain't gonna' say!
There once was a robot named Gort,
who took up the cave diving sport.
They yelled "STROKE!", none the wiser,
till he lifted his visor
and roasted 'em without further retort!
There once was a cave diver named Fred,
who had multiple personalities in his head.
He achieved the old dream
a TRUE one-man dive team
'till they made him get back on his meds!
jimdiverman
There once was a man from Marian’,
Whose scooter was made for one hand
One day while he’s caving,
He shot past a maiden
Now known as his bride, Marian’.
There once was a man, Edd, from Jackson
Whose prices were nice and relaxin’
Along came Miss Stacy
Who made old Edd lazy
So Gordon took over the gassin’.
There once was a caver in Florida,
Who ordered a suit for cold water.
Past Hill 400,
his seals went asunder
And now he’s a part of the flora.
A diver, there was, from Phreatic
Who kept all his gear in the attic
Along came a twister
That laid out its whistler
And now there’s free gear in Phreatic.
Webmaster
There once was a diver named Ned
Who's face would often turn red.
For when asked to run the reel
He would loudly appeal,
"Nay, or we'll surely be dead."
The diet of a diver to be sure,
Is often anything but pure.
His drysuit may contain
A greasy beakfast's putrid remains,
And provide more buoyancy from the resulting liqueur.