1st Ever Cave Limerick Contest...

[tj]

http://www.cavediver.net/images/limerickcontest.gif

I've got to get rid of that UK Mini Q40... Our webmaster (Marbry) came up with the idea of a Limerick contest.

So here are the rules... which could change slightly...

1) Best Limerick wins (we'll do a poll or vote later).
2) Nothing obscene in a bad way. Limericks are naturally obscene so this 'rule' adds some challenge to the game.
3) Have something to do with caves, underwater or not. About forum rules is okay too...
4) Not personally directed at anyone or agency unless its really good... No seriously, be good here.

The form of the limerick can be varied. We are not sticklers to the true form, ie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29) .

The contest ends at midnight Thursday, 31 July 2008.

Enjoy!

http://www.scubadiver.cc/forums/images/marinesports/miniq40_eLed.jpg

[RAL]

There was a man from Marianna

Who's prudish lass was named Hanna

Into Jackson Blue

With scooter he flew

But still he got farther with Hanna



RAL

[MedCop]

There once was a man from High Springs

Who wanted to explore mysterious things

So into the cave he went

Hoping he wouldn’t get bent

Instead he came out saying what joy this brings

-------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a PADI open water diver

Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor

Into the caves I could go

There isn’t really much needed to know

I’ll just carry more equipment than MacGyver

--------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a PADI open water diver

Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor

Into the caves I could go

There isn’t really much needed to know

AND HE DIED BECAUSE HE VIOLATED THE FIVE BASIC RULES!

----------------------------------------------------------------

[FW]

Who sad man I’m somewhat of a survivor
Shouldn't that be "Who said, man I'm somewhat of a survivor."?

[Cavediver520]

There once was a man from Nantuckit
No caves up there so he said **** it
He came down south
and contacted Ralph
Bought some cave gear and to Ginnie he did truck it.

[Omni]

I just read these to the wife unit and she said I wasnt allowed to hang with you anymore.

[Dsix36]

There once was a man from Pompano

and into the caves he did go

without a backup light

he lost the fight

what happened, no one will know

-----------------------------------------

A cave diver ran out of air

his buddy didn't seem to care

he turned to head out

knowing without a doubt

the intent of his buddies stare

----------------------------------------

The visability had turned to crap

and the diver was ready to snap

the line was unfound

it was broke on the ground

and now it is time to take a nap

[MORGAN]

A diver not wise but quite brave,
Swam foolishly into a cave.
And in swimming about,
He silted it out.
It made quite a dark and wet grave.

-------------------------------------

There was a young diver named Chris
Who tried to impress his bud's sis.
He said "I'm so brave,
I'll swim into this cave!
Just hold my beer and watch this!"

-------------------------------------

A brand new cave diver named Cooter
Bought some stages, a Meg, and a scooter.
He said he'd make history,
But his end was a mystery
'Til the coroner downloaded his 'puter.

-------------------------------------

Oh, It's off to cave country I go
Fleeing the frost and the snow.
Go cave diving with friends
'til my vacation ends
While at home it is thirty below.

-------------------------------------

Sorry none of them are obscene; I'll try to do better later!


Mike

[Slüdge]

Wow, Mike, those are good!

[metaldector]

The bubbles he blows,

Don’t come from his nose,

But messed with his buoyancy trim,

A twist of his valve,

All nature repels, as he goes on with his cave diving friends.

__________________________________________________ __________

The tunnels are dark, he said with a lark,

So in them I will go,

With a light and string, he said to a friend

There can’t be much to know?

Later that day the hearse took him away, what a wet way to go!

[MORGAN]

Wow, Mike, those are good!

Thanks! I think being a little sleep deprived helps.

Mike

[tj]

I can't win, but here are three that popped in my head... :smt102


There was a cave diver named Bob
Who worked a cave as his job
The cave was cold and dark
It was silty and made him narc
One day his life the cave did rob

There was a cave diver named Dayo
Who used a lot of cave arrows
He dived the caves in sidemount
And the many stories he did recount
He finally settled in Mayo

There once was a lass named Dinny
Who dived in caves so many
When asked what cave she wanted to dive next
She looked at first perflexed
Then she said ANY!

[tj]

Oh, here is a nice tool:
http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionary/paycheck.html


There once was a north florida redneck
That one got a big paycheck
He took up cave diving that June
But gave it up way too soon
He got scared and moved to Quebec

[MORGAN]

There was a young redneck called 'Tater
Who thought diving caves would be greater
But untrained and witless
He scared himself sh*tless
So he stuck to NASCAR and the Gators.


Mike

[SueG]

I can't win, but .....


Put the tea in the kettle and the arrow on the line.
Let’s slap on our dive gear; I bet we’ll do just fine.
Now which way is out? We need to pay attention!
The homework was a limerick. Do I get an Honorable Mention?

Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
Not only as a cave diver, but also in the Forum.
The “Mods” are very patient, despite what you may think.
They try to keep it peaceful, so let’s not make a stink.

There’s a cave guy named Dayo
He settled in Mayo
He disqualified himself as a winner, but we know that’s not true.
He’s a wiz at his biz and a Winner he is.
You’d think he’d have no time to dive, but he do.

Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
FW, please explain things to me.
I went up to bat but sound like Dr. Suess and his Cat
However, there’s no need for you to delete.

[FW]

Rules, rules. Oh, so many rules.
FW, please explain things to me.
I went up to bat but sound like Dr. Suess and his Cat
However, there’s no need for you to delete.
Far be it for me to enforce the rules :roll:

BUT....

A limerick is a five-line poem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poem) with a strict form, originally popularized in English by Edward Lear (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Lear). Limericks are frequently witty or humorous, and sometimes obscene with humorous intent.

[SueG]

Far be it for me to enforce the rules :roll:

BUT....


But, FW… please… I wrote a Caribbean Limerick Song. Ok… I guess I’ll go practice my accordion. Polka, anyone? :clapper

[rkij]

A diver not wise but quite brave,
Swam foolishly into a cave.
And in swimming about,
He silted it out.
It made quite a dark and wet grave.

-------------------------------------

There was a young diver named Chris
Who tried to impress his bud's sis.
He said "I'm so brave,
I'll swim into this cave!
Just hold my beer and watch this!"

-------------------------------------

A brand new cave diver named Cooter
Bought some stages, a Meg, and a scooter.
He said he'd make history,
But his end was a mystery
'Til the coroner downloaded his 'puter.

-------------------------------------

Oh, It's off to cave country I go
Fleeing the frost and the snow.
Go cave diving with friends
'til my vacation ends
While at home it is thirty below.

-------------------------------------

Sorry none of them are obscene; I'll try to do better later!


Mike
Those are great! Did you think of those yourself?

[MORGAN]

Those are great! Did you think of those yourself?

Yup. Glad you liked 'em. A 12 hour shift on four hours of sleep makes the brain do strange things!:)

Of course now I've got the limerick form stuck in my head...trying to make limericks out of everything. Here's a work related one:


Some drunk trauma patients will curse
At the critical care transport nurse!
Don't like riding with us
In our big fancy bus?
Maybe you'd rather ride in a hearse!


Mike

[Cave Ranger]

I cannot take credit for this because it posted on here a few years ago and I don't remember which one of you wrote it but it was great enough for me to add it to my fiendish little memory banks for future use.

There once was a cave diver named Sistle
Who's scooter was fast as a missile
And as plowed through the halls
He protected his balls
But the rest of him was ground down to gristle.

My hats off to the real author. YOU ROCK!! :supz:

[stairman]

Ive got to do it not for fortune or fame,the hobby Ive chosen makes others look tame. some say Im crazy some says thats neat, summertime in Florida it sure beats the heat.Pitch in for gas my buddy helps with that, first thing unloaded my plastic Diverite mat. Hookup the regs the backplate the wing,my big plastic crate makes things easy to bring. Walk to the water make sure everythings right, step on in even at night. Run your lines have a swim, breath a third,back again. Rest at twenty write on my slate,exit the water I now know my fate.

[MORGAN]

I cannot take credit for this because it posted on here a few years ago and I don't remember which one of you wrote it but it was great enough for me to add it to my fiendish little memory banks for future use.

There once was a cave diver named Sistle
Who's scooter was fast as a missile
And as plowed through the halls
He protected his balls
But the rest of him was ground down to gristle.

My hats off to the real author. YOU ROCK!! :supz:

I remember that one, too. It's great! A purist might say that
the ideal limerick should include a reference to balls.

Another one I remember, author unknown (to me):

There was a young man of Devizes
Whose balls were of differing sizes.
The one was so small,
It was no ball at all.
But the other won several prizes!

Mike

[MORGAN]

There was a cave diver named Cass
Who didn't keep track of his gas.
He made too long a dive,
Barely got out alive,
And only the flow saved his ass!

Mike

[Terry D]

I oft read the cave diver's forum
I muse, ponder and score um
some are great tries
at fish tales and lies
but most were just simply bor'um

but once in a while a great diver
tells a story about the great decider
the choices he made
while making the grade
so to telling it all the more aliver


or

I went to learn the rebreather
the class, it was only a teaser
my money I spent
my body I bent
and now, I am but a wheezer


how 'bout


if a wet suit is wet but warm
and a dry suit prevents great harm
why can't a get me a valve
not slathered with salve
and can still be worn with great charm



my mind has been lingering on caves
filled with water that has no waves
yet erodes and erases
with permanent traces
a history that it saves



from entrance to line
what was their's is now mine
until the tee takes a turn
around the rock shaped urn
and it is all once again fine


a moderators task, it's not easy
to read all the posts all the time
to comment, allow,censor, or hide
this is the beast that they must ride
and still, they expect it to rhyme

[OFG-1]

There was a cave diver named Forrest;
Whose beard was as thick as a forest,
To shave, no not he!
His beard fills him with glee,
But he looks like a Top of the Z.Z.

[FW]

There was a cave diver named Forrest;
Whose beard was as thick as a forest,
To shave, no not he!
His beard fills him with glee,
But he looks like a Top of the Z.Z.
The last line is supposed to rhyme with the first, not the fourth :roll:

[FW]

The form of the limerick can be varied. We are not sticklers to the true form, ie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29) .
But then, TJ did leave an out :-)

[MORGAN]

There was a cave diver named Forrest;
Whose beard was as thick as a forest,
To shave, no not he!
His beard fills him with glee,
But he looks like a Top of the Z.Z.

Forrest - Now your beard is inspiring poets!

I need to let mine grow longer - it's already getting gray.

Mike

[contender]

There was a cave diver from Bama who was rather big
He turned up at Ginnie for his usual gig
He got to the water without much delay
However, the local redneck came over to say
Hey boy can you squeal like a pig.

[akcaver]

There was once a caver so brave
That went to explore a small-ass cave
He had cojones of steel,
But had to make God a deal
For God his ass did save!

[stairman]

oops,I should have read the difference in limerics and poems.

[YBWET]

There was a man called Dave
Who kept his dead wife in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a ****
But think of the money I saved".

[MORGAN]

In keeping with the declining level of discourse:

A stylish young cave diving tart
Made a long and deep dive into Hart.
She opined, "Deep air kills.
I prefer trimix fills."
Then she let a gargantuan fart.


Mike

[Line Squirrel]

Wow, Mike, those are good!

Indeed!! I'm playing catch up here but Mike, thos are great!

[MORGAN]

Indeed!! I'm playing catch up here but Mike, thos are great!

Thanks! I was glad to hear that you had fun (if fun is the right word) in your Meg class. Are you going to take a day or two off to dry out after 1000 minutes of bottom time in a week?

Another one:

A tough old cave diver called Gump
Was sidemounting a very small sump.
The restrictions so tight
Filled his heart with delight
But they left a big scrape on his rump.


Mike

[Line Squirrel]

Thanks! I was glad to hear that you had fun (if fun is the right word) in your Meg class. Are you going to take a day or two off to dry out after 1000 minutes of bottom time in a week?

Mike

Indeed I had fun in my class
The days were so long but went fast
Now I'm cleared on my Meg
For some rest I will beg
'cause I really am dragging my ass :-D

[MORGAN]

Indeed I had fun in my class
The days were so long but went fast
Now I'm cleared on my Meg
For some rest I will beg
'cause I really am dragging my ass :-D

ROFLMAO!:)


Mike

[FW]

Indeed I had fun in my class
The days were so long but went fast
Now I'm cleared on my Meg
For some rest I will beg
'cause I really am dragging my ass :-D
Good one Mike!

[FW]

A tough old cave diver called Gump
Was sidemounting a very tight sump.
The restrictions so tight
Filled his heart with delight
But they left a big scrape on his rump.
HMMMMM???

[outofayr]

There once was a cave diver named "DIC"
Who wrote in the clay with a stick
It caused an uproar on the web
And everyone wanted his head
But they never did catch the prick!:mad:

[bullfrog]

Mike, You got talent man! And too much time on your hands. outofayr that was good too.

[MORGAN]

Mike, You got talent man! And too much time on your hands. outofayr that was good too.

Rod, don't tell me you're not writing limericks "for three hours while that machine goes beep.":)

Are you down anytime the first two weeks in October?

Mike

[Taucher-Tom]

how ´bout this one


there once was a diver from Germany
who asked himself man how would it be
to be one of the brave
and dive in a cave
the thought alone was extasy

[FW]

how ´bout this one


there once was a diver from Germany
who asked himself man how would it be
to be one of the brave
and dive in a cave
the thought alone was extasy
Not bad!

[aainslie]

The Cavediving forum has got
A contest to see what a lot
Of talented authors
When not in the waters
The cavediving crowd has begot

[MORGAN]

The Cavediving forum has got
A contest to see what a lot
Of talented authors
When not in the waters
The cavediving crowd has begot

Good one!

Mike

[Line Squirrel]

The Cavediving forum has got
A contest to see what a lot
Of talented authors
When not in the waters
The cavediving crowd has begot

Yea - nice :)

[MORGAN]

Tomorrow we're going to sail.
And drink up some beer and some ale.
We'll be gone for a week
When I get back I'll peek
At my Cave Diver's Forum e-mail.

Sailing is fun for a while
We'll sail on for many a mile
But using vacation days
Without diving in caves
Is wasteful, egregious, and vile.

Mike

[YBWET]

My computer's a lemon, my bc's for the birds.
My reg works awful, my air smells like turds.
My drysuit is bad,
You think I'd be mad
I'm hoping this wins me the flashlite and I will be glad.

[sandy]

There once was a cave diver named Dickie
Whose condom removal was quite sticky
It was off with the hair
Until all was thus bare
And now the removal's not so tricky

[Taucher-Tom]

somehow I can´t get it out of my head anymore.

Don´t misunderstand, this is part two of yesterday´s limerick!


oldtimers told him about penetration
to touch the end what a sweet sensation
you gotta have balls
to do virgin halls
but the feeling is beyond imagination

[Line Squirrel]

There once was a cave diver named Dickie
Whose condom removal was quite sticky
It was off with the hair
Until all was thus bare
And now the removal's not so tricky

LOL Of course we needed a cath limerick!!

[FW]

I see TJ updated the first post, and added a "deadline".


http://www.cavediver.net/images/limerickcontest.gif

I've got to get rid of that UK Mini Q40... Our webmaster (Marbry) came up with the idea of a Limerick contest.

So here are the rules... which could change slightly...

1) Best Limerick wins (we'll do a poll or vote later).
2) Nothing obscene in a bad way. Limericks are naturally obscene so this 'rule' adds some challenge to the game.
3) Have something to do with caves, underwater or not. About forum rules is okay too...
4) Not personally directed at anyone or agency unless its really good... No seriously, be good here.

The form of the limerick can be varied. We are not sticklers to the true form, ie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29) .

The contest ends at midnight Thursday, 31 July 2008.

Enjoy!

http://www.scubadiver.cc/forums/images/marinesports/miniq40_eLed.jpg

[LCF]

I can't compete with Mike, but here goes:

All diving is fun, so they say . . .
And my memory says it's that way.
But once someone braves
Underwater caves
Then that's where their focus will stay.

[LCF]

It was a long, dull drive home over the mountains this morning:

In NoHoch, a new diver named Frost
Learned complacency's terrible cost.
With the reaches and snaps,
His inadequate maps
Got him inextricably lost.


Manatee Springs is a park.
The cave that's beneath it is dark.
But when other caves close
It diminishes flows
there, and diving it then is a lark!

On one of my cave diving trips,
I took two days to get past the Lips.
But the effort entailed
As I pulled and I flailed
Took four inches off of my hips!

Devil's System is known for its flow,
And you quickly learn not to swim low.
But the optimal way
To stay out of the fray
Is only for those in the know.

Lady cave divers, yes, it is true!
For those long dives when wetsuits won't do,
Just install a She-P
And you'll instantly see
You can have your Coke and leave it, too!

[DonJ]

With places like Peacock and Cow
I wonder when no one’s around
Such a peaceful delight
A feeling so right
And it’s mine in the hear and the now

Forrest Wilson is the forum post king
With the longevity and lasting of Gehrig
Without a doubt
Wilson has clout
I’m glad for the words he’s been offering

There once was a diver named JJ
He always had something to say say
Two hundred and fifty posts I have watched
And just a member since March
Damn! -that’s almost two posts per day day

[LCF]

A backmount or sidemount believer
Can argue the merits of either.
The rest of the folk
Find the issue a joke
As they calmly strap on their rebreather.

[BabyDuck]

i love the caves with low flow
but it's just so damn easy to go
in past your thirds
'cause one glance and the words
that come to your mind are 'oh, whoa!' :)

[Alan Garrett]

I cannot take credit for this because it posted on here a few years ago and I don't remember which one of you wrote it but it was great enough for me to add it to my fiendish little memory banks for future use.

There once was a cave diver named Sistle
Who's scooter was fast as a missile
And as plowed through the halls
He protected his balls
But the rest of him was ground down to gristle.

My hats off to the real author. YOU ROCK!! :supz:
I almost hate to take credit for that one, but it was mine! Seems like a couple years ago I was sitting in a hotel room in Dallas (drinking scotch) and we got into this weird limerick thread. It went on for HOURS! Some of 'em were funny as hell too. I wish I could remember some more that we came up with!

[jimdiverman]

There once was a man from Marian’,
Whose scooter was made for one hand
One day while he’s caving,
He shot past a maiden
Now known as his bride, Marian’.

There once was a man, Edd, from Jackson
Whose prices were nice and relaxin’
Along came Miss Stacy
Who made old Edd lazy
So Gordon took over the gassin’.

There once was a caver in Florida,
Who ordered a suit for cold water.
Past Hill 400,
his seals went asunder
And now he’s a part of the flora.

A diver, there was, from Phreatic
Who kept all his gear in the attic
Along came a twister
That laid out its whistler
And now there’s free gear in Phreatic.

- Jim

[Alan Garrett]

Hmm, let's try one...

Once, me and my cave divin' bros'...
decided to dive without clothes.
Till in heavy silt...
my manhood did wilt...
when my dive buddy grabbed the wrong hose.

[Alan Garrett]

Maybe another one...

Remember Ol' cavediver Shane,
who's tanks were too big to be sane?
Said he'd go even bigger,
if only they'd figger,
the right MOD for Propane!

[Alan Garrett]

Just one more tonight I promise!

There once was a man named Kincaide...
who dove with a live hand grenade.
Said if he got lost,
the grenade would get tossed,
and he'd get out the new sinkhole it made.

[LCF]

Those are good, Alan!

I hate this thread. I've been thinking in limericks for days now.

[Alan Garrett]

It's a new day...

There once was a diver named Greer...
who did all his deco on beer.
He made no deco stops,
headed straight for the "pops",
and just farted till his computer showed clear!

[Alan Garrett]

There was a naughty little diver named Jay,
who liked carving little pictures in clay.
he was caught in the act,
he won't ever be back,
we know where he is but we ain't gonna' say!

[Cave Ranger]

Hmm, let's try one...

Once, me and my cave divin' bros'...
decided to dive without clothes.
Till in heavy silt...
my manhood did wilt...
when my dive buddy grabbed the wrong hose.

DOH!!!!

Wunderbar!! My fiendish little memory banks are on overload.
Good stuff. :clapper

[Webmaster]

There once was a diver named Ned
Who's face would often turn red.
For when asked to run the reel
He would loudly appeal,
"Nay, or we'll surely be dead."

The diet of a diver to be sure,
Is often anything but pure.
His drysuit may contain
A greasy beakfast's putrid remains,
And provide more buoyancy from the resulting liqueur.

Marbry

[Alan Garrett]

If you're not a fan of vintage Sci-Fi you won't know what the heck I'm talking about on this one.

There once was a robot named Gort,
who took up the cave diving sport.
They yelled "STROKE!", none the wiser,
till he lifted his visor
and roasted 'em without further retort!

[FW]

If you're not a fan of vintage Sci-Fi you won't know what the heck I'm talking about on this one.
The Day the Earth Stood Still :-)

[Alan Garrett]

The Day the Earth Stood Still :-)
Thank you Forrest for enlightening the youngsters! That movie is hands-down one of my all-time favorites. It's a toss-up between that and "Forbidden Planet". They don't make 'em like that anymore, do they?

[Webmaster]

And of course "Klatu Verata Nikto". The words to control the robot in The Day the Earth Stood Still; or the phrase Bruce Campbell was supposed to utter before picking up the necronomicron in Army of Darkness.

Give me some sugar baby.

Marbry

[Alan Garrett]

And of course "Klatu Verata Nikto". The words to control the robot in The Day the Earth Stood Still; or the phrase Bruce Campbell was supposed to utter before picking up the necronomicron in Army of Darkness.

Give me some sugar baby.

Marbry
Yes sir, I remember it well. I picked up a copy of the movie a couple years ago on DVD for about $5. Best 5 bucks I ever spent! I think I'll watch it again tonight with the kids. Can't go neglectin' their education, ya know!

[Alan Garrett]

One last desperate attempt at humor before the dead-line.

There once was a cave diver named Fred,
who had multiple personalities in his head.
He achieved the old dream
a TRUE one-man dive team
'till they made him get back on his meds!

[tj]

The deadline for this contest is just hours away... Midnight this very night. We have MANY GOOD ONES to vote on already, but just in case you want to submit one or more... time is now... :yawinkle:

Not sure how we (or who 'we' are), but 'we' will pick the top #? Limericks, and build a poll so all registered users can vote on their favorite one(s).

[aainslie]

Yes sir, I remember it well. I picked up a copy of the movie a couple years ago on DVD for about $5. Best 5 bucks I ever spent! I think I'll watch it again tonight with the kids. Can't go neglectin' their education, ya know!

How old are those kids? 50?

...Which is what i almost am, and I sure can't remember any of those movies :)

[Angie Reim]

And of course "Klatu Verata Nikto". The words to control the robot in The Day the Earth Stood Still; or the phrase Bruce Campbell was supposed to utter before picking up the necronomicron in Army of Darkness.

Give me some sugar baby.

Marbry

XXXXXXXXXXX You've just earned it. Dude you crack me up! :-)

[Line Squirrel]

click, click, tick smack, click, click, click, click.

Jesus, that one always cracks me up!!

Just a funny line I remembered from The God's Must Be Crazy

[Angie Reim]

click, click, tick smack, click, click, click, click.

Jesus, that one always cracks me up!!

Just a funny line I remembered from The God's Must Be Crazy

Saw that three times ol' man.

[Alan Garrett]

How old are those kids? 50?

...Which is what i almost am, and I sure can't remember any of those movies :)
Well, let's see. According to the movie jacket it came out in 1951, which means the movie was already 15 years old when I was born. I don't know how old I was when I first saw it, but it only took (let me look) 92 minutes to bring me up to speed. Those same 92 minutes was all it took to teach my own kids the difference between some lame generation-X remake and REAL original and classic Sci-Fi! They can appreciate the difference even at their age. My 13 year-old daughter considers it one of her favorite movies even though it's in B&W. She actually took it to a slumber party one night! That's Daddy's girl!!! ;-)

[MORGAN]

Saw that three times ol' man.

Yup - one of my favorites, too.

Wow - some great limericks came in while I was out sailing!

Mike